


All the Little Lights

by MyVantilene



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Drabble, F/M, Humanstuck, Series, bloodswap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-13
Updated: 2012-11-14
Packaged: 2017-11-16 06:07:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/536332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyVantilene/pseuds/MyVantilene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I love you, too, Karkat. And if my alternate versions can't see that, they might as well not be able to see at all. AU Drabble series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We're Born with Millions

He lays on the couch, head resting on her lap with an avalanche of blankets between them. Their fingers remain intertwined as she looks over her law books, leaving colorful notes between the paragraphs for herself. The television flickers on and off with varying colors, but the sound is muted and neither are paying it much attention. He stares at the ceiling as his mind starts to wander, and he holds her hand a bit tighter.

"What?" she asks, as if stating a fact.

"What do you mean, what?"

"Oh, give it up. You squeezed my hand. What is it?"

"Not every little change of grip means that I —"

She pushes the law books off the couch and turns off the TV.

"I thought after all we went through last semester that this wasn't going to happen again." She folds her arms across her chest while maintaining and strengthening a grip on him.

"I was just…thinking. It's seriously nothing important."

She shoots him a look.

"…Terezi. Do you think there are other universes?"

"Oi, I stopped studying for this?"

He lays in utter silence until Terezi bops him on the head.

"Kidding! Gosh, I thought you knew I was a bag of sarcasm!"

"Well, Terezi, after all we went through last semester —" he mocks.

"Just finish your thought about other universes so I can go back to cramming."

"Well, I mean like, what if we lived alternate lives or something? Or the same ones with different results? Like a bunch of different scenarios? Gah, this probably doesn't make any sense to you."

She gives a curt nod, "It makes sense."

She gets up from the couch, dragging Karkat with her.

"Where are we going?"

"On an adventure."

She pulls him into their shared bedroom and shoves him onto the bed.

"Wha—"

"Shh!" she giggles, "You've had a long day. Just go to sleep." She pulls the covers over him and is about to close the door when he calls her back.

"Wait!" he gets up on his elbows, "I told you I was going to stay up with you this time and I meant it —"

"I know what you said, Karkat. But please, make this easier on both of us. Get some sleep."

"Was this because of the alternate universe thing?"

"What answer will make you go to sleep?"

"None of them, it's a trick question."

"I'm shutting the door now, alright?"

"Fine. Do what you want."

"Sleep tight." She closes the door.

"Don't let the crazy, aspiring lawyers bite."

* * *

 

"Terezi! Are you done in there? We have to leave soon! Kanaya has been planning this dinner for a solid month, we can't be late!"

She inspects herself in the mirror one last time, perusing her appearance for anything that would be unacceptable at the heiress's banquet.

She finds a lot.

Her hair hasn't been brushed in forever, there are bags around her eyes from lack of sleep, Kanaya's going to have a fit once she sees how terrible the dress she made looks on her, and she can't find her glasses anywhere.

She's also hiding mutant red blood under that thick skin of hers, and if anyone where to know, she'd be culled on the spot. Why she even has any friends to begin with is a mystery better left unsolved.

"Have you seen my glasses?!" she does a thorough once-over of the bathroom again, just in case she left them in the hamper or something.

After a while of searching, her tealblood friend calls back,

"Found them!"

She rushes down the stairs to the front door, where Karkat holds her teal-tinted glasses.

She puts them on in haste, and the two of them are out the door.

The heiress, to Terezi's surprise, actually compliments her on how well she pulls the dress off, and has a bone to pick with Karkat's selection. As she drills basic concepts of fashion into his thinkpan, she wanders off towards the food.

"Hey, Tereziiiiiiii!"

"Oh." She can feel her face physically relax, "Hey, Vriska. Cool party Kanaya put together, don't you think?"

"Yup! But honestly, I could say that about any party that has free food. The decorations are nice, I guess."

"She went out of her way to make it caste-friendly."

"Yeah, there's a diorama in every color." The maroonblood elbowed her, "You don't have to say anything, just sit at whatever table is yours."

"Vriska, for the last time —"

"I know, I know, you're never telling anyone. But in this scenario, you're not really telling anyone. You're just sitting at a table, it's completely harmless!"

"Don't you have Mister Gentle Giant to keep under control?"

Her eyes went wide.

"Be right back!"

If Terezi had working eyes to roll, she'd roll them.

With Vriska out of the picture for now, she hums to herself as she goes down the line, piling her plate as high as she can without attracting attention. As meddlesome as Miss Fussyfangs is, she at least has the right idea when it comes to food and parties.

Upon acquiring a mountain of hoarded goods, she goes back to find her escort.

"Hey, Kanaya. Do you know which way Karkat went?"

"I believe he's chatting with Nepeta by the drapes."

"Oh."

"That's not a very enthusiastic oh. Is something the matter? Do the drapes look bad? I swear I didn't mean —"

"No, it's fine. I'm fine. I have that problem with my lungs, remember?"

"How could I forget?"

"Yeah, well I'll just go get some fresh air."

She drops her plate off at one of the random tables set up and heads out to the balcony. She jumps from the railing up to the tilted platform of the roof and gives an angry sigh.

She knew this would happen. Anytime she tries to do anything, Nepeta always has to be there to ruin it for her. It's been this way since they were first hatched.

"Terecita! What are you doing up here?"

"Gamzee?" she sits up so fast, she nearly hits her head on her own knees, "What are you doing up here?"

"I think I just asked you that, sister."

"Yeah, but gentlemen first."

"Okay. As long as you promise to tell me right after."

"Sure thing, Gamz."

"If I go down there, I'm going to embarrass Kanaya like I always do."

"What? Gamz you are the least embarrassing troll I have ever met!"

"Yeah, but Kanaya's the heiress. She has a reputation to uphold and stuff. I feel like I'm ruining it through association."

"You're not ruining anything. Kanaya wouldn't go out with you if you were."

"But I think she only agreed to be my matesprit to prove a point to Equius."

"She agreed to be your matesprit because she cares about you."

"I guess maybe you have a semblance of a point."

"Just as long as I'm getting through that thick skull of yours."

"Now what's got you up here on the roof as of late, sister?"

"Nepeta." She sighs.

"Again? Terecita, you have got to stop comparing yourself to her."

"I can't help it. She's like this bizarre repellent for me to feel anything good."

"What?"

"That was poorly said, sorry. Like I guess she doesn't do anything to make me upset on purpose, but every time we're in the same room…"

"It's this yucky feeling all infesting your bloodpusher?"

"Exactly."

"I feel ya. I know you're the wrong person to tell this to, since she is your moirail, but I feel that way around Vriska."

"Why? Because she's good at games?"

"Because I think Kanaya likes her more than me."

"Kanaya and Vriska are just good friends, they go way back. But I can promise you that closeness is not anything threatening your relationship."

"Well then can't I say the same for you and Karkat?"

"No. We don't have a relationship, not really. And we're never going to have one because he likes Nepeta better."

"That's not true."

Terezi gives a howl, "This conversation isn't going anywhere, you'll accuse your matesprit of not liking you, and I'll deny that, and I'll accuse my flushcrush of not liking me, and you'll deny that, we're just going in circles here."

"Not if we both go down there together."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Sure if you're sure."

"Well alright then."

Together, they renter the party, mixing with the diverse crowd.

"Gamzee."

"Kanaya."

"Where have you been?"

"Me and Terecita were just having a chat out in the fresh air."

"Oh," she narrows her eyes into slits at Terezi, "I bet you two had fun."

"Um, yeah, the scenery around this place is great." She scratches the back of her neck, "I'll be going now…"

She wanders over to where Nepeta and Karkat are talking, listening, but not daring to make a move toward them.

"And then I shot the whale RIGHT out of the sky!"

"Haha, that sounds pretty cool. But, um…it wasn't serving as a lusus for anyone was it…?"

"Probably."

"Oh." He says disappointedly, looking down at the glass in his hands.

"Not."

"What?"

"Probably not."

"Oh, well, I'll be honest, that's a relief."

"You know me," she playfully pushes his shoulder, "I would never do that to someone."

The purpleblood sees Terezi before Karkat does and adds, "I mean, not having a lusus would turn someone into a pariah, wouldn't it? Anyone who doesn't have one, or you know, one that's not hatched would be something below dirt."

She looks right at Terezi as she speaks.

"Well, I don't know about —" he turns to see what Nepeta's looking at, and his eyes catch on Terezi's fleeting form, "— that."

She runs to the balcony and scurries back up the roof.

She knew she shouldn't have gone down there with Gamzee. Well, she's glad he's over whatever funk he was in, but she herself shouldn't even be here. A mutantblood attending a dinner hosted by the empress-to-be? How many people would lose their lunch if they knew?

"Terezi?"

It was Karkat, looking around the balcony.

He finally spots her, in spite of her attempts at staying as still as the night air.

"Terezi, what are you doing up there?"

"Oh, you know, hanging."

"Well, come down. I want to talk to you."

"Nah."

"Nah? Look, I understand if you're mad at me. I'm sorry, whatever it is I did, I'm really sorry. But you've avoided me this entire night, and I think I deserve to know why."

"What are you talking about, I haven't been avoiding you."

"No? There is an abandoned plate of food, and Gamzee can testify that it was you who left it there."

"I'm just not hungry. And you know about my lung condition."

"If you weren't feeling well, you could've just told me. I would've been happy to take you back to your hive."

"Yeah, where my unhatched lusus is?"

"You heard that."

"Yeah."

"Well, Nepeta's a seadweller, she has problems connecting with trolls out of her own caste."

"She doesn't seem to have a problem connecting with you."

"Because I'm a good friend!"

"You two seem like more than friends, if you ask me!"

"Well, if that's the way you feel, maybe I should ask her to be my matesprit!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" and with that, he storms back into party, slamming the door behind him.

Terezi buries her head in her hands and curses herself.

* * *

 

It had taken months of pep talks from Kanaya and Gamzee, and weeks of telling himself that he could do it, but today all of that is finally going to pay off.

Karkat is going to ask her to marry him.

Sure, they've only been on a couple group dates, but from the moment he had met a certain Terezi Pyrope, he was adamant about having her hand.

He had picked out the ring and the spot, all he had to do was get her away from the rest of their friends and pop the question.

He could do this.

He could do this one thing and his whole life would finally have some meaning.

"Hey, Terezi, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure thing, Karkat, what is it?"

"I —" he reached into his pocket and fished for the ring.

But it wasn't there.

His fingers groped fruitlessly around in his pockets, panic setting into his mind.

Where was the ring?

"Hey, Tz."

"Yeah, Dave?"

Karkat watched on in horror as Dave got down on one knee.

"Dave, what are you —"

"Tz, you are the coolest girl I've ever met, and I've had a lot of fun these past few weeks. So will you do the honor of marrying me?"

"Yes!" she cackled.

Karkat ran back to the parking garage. He sat in the corner of the structure, dragged his knees to his chest and cursed himself.

* * *

 

The carriage rattles like a shivering skeleton as it traverses the country side. Terezi and her betrothed sit across from each other in the most uncomfortable silence imaginable. She smooths the silky, teal fabric of her dress and wishes more than anything for it to be rags. She wishes for the sweet freedom of peasantry, with no expectations or forced marriages and the ability to travel the world without anyone's say so.

Of course, she realizes the drawbacks of her one true desire, but with what false happiness money can buy, she is not satisfied. She wants one thing, and one thing only.

To call off her marriage.

"I'm sorry." Her soon-to-be-husband says as the horses go over another bump in the road.

"It's not your fault, Equius." She tries to smile, but it amounts to a less-than-soothing mess of sharp teeth and chapped lips and nonexistent hope.

"I know what it's like," He confesses through a tightened jaw, "to be in love with a servant."

Terezi sharply inhales through her nose.

"Who told you about that?"

"It's not that hard to piece together. Most girls have female personal servants, who change throughout their lifetime. You've stuck to one since you were of age."

"What can I say? I may be crazy, but at least I'm consistent."

"We could hire him and my servant to come with us when we move away."

"It's not the same." She whispers, turning to stare out the window.

The green hills swirl past her and the blue sky twists and bends around the openings in the horizons as the words reverberate through her skull.

It's not the same.

She wants to marry Karkat, fair and square. She wants to be walked down the aisle and into his arms and she wants to say vows and giggle with happiness as he slides the ring across her finger and she wants to hear him say I do with that breathlessness he always does when he talks about them getting married someday, and she wants to dance with him afterwards at a reception with all of their friends and do toasts and take off for their honeymoon in an adequate carriage and go where they can finally be alone, truly, and she just wants to kiss him one good time when they both don't have fear in their eyes from the risk of being caught.

Anything less wouldn't be fair to her or to the boy who's already given up his life for her.

Karkat, after all he's been through, deserves a wedding like the one he's always imagined. She hates that he'll never get it.

* * *

 

There once was a boy who fell in love with a goddess.

She was beautiful and unique and he loved every off-kilter thing about her. But all of the other gods and goddesses didn't understand her quirky beauty, or perhaps felt threatened by it, he had assumed, and mocked her talents and her individuality, making her feel as if her strongest features were things to be ashamed of.

Now, he was just a lowly human, and his opinion meant nothing when compared to that of the god's. But he screams into the clouds words that she needs to hear, regardless of what gods may scoff at his naivety.

He stares up at her from below and he loves her so much, but he can only look up, and she can only look down.

His words make her feel better. She has enough courage to stand up for herself.

She has enough courage to go after another god whom she loves.

And it turns out he likes her too.

The boy curses himself for thinking that his words might have made him noticed by the goddess, let alone be loved by her.

He's glad she's happy, that his words had at least some effect, but it still hurts.

For a moment he had forgotten that she was a goddess and he was the scum of the Earth, for a moment he had forgotten that he had no chance, that his fate was out of his own hands.

And there was nothing he could do.

* * *

 

In the morning she awoke to him pushing a hot mug of coffee into her hand.

"Ugh, mom, five minutes, please."

"Oh, you wish I was your mom." He rips the blankets off of her lap, which jostles the coffee in her hand, "Your mom would've let you sleep in."

"Yeah, but my mom wouldn't have done the laundry or made me coffee or tried to stay up with me while I cram." She gives him a butterfly kiss before getting up.

"Yes, thank you, I am a better roommate than your mother. Consider me beyond flattered."

She giggles because she knows, despite the sarcasm, that he is.

"You know," she drawls, sitting down at the mini-kitchen table, "After you fell asleep, I started thinking about that alternate universe idea you had."

"Oh?" he hands her a plate filled with bacon and eggs and sits down next to her with his own.

"Yeah. I don't think I like the possibility. It scares me."

"Hey, it's fine, it's just a hypothetical."

She cups her hands around her cheeks and sighs.

"I don't like the idea of being separated from you."

"I don't like it either. In fact, I hate it. It would be the worst thing to ever happen to anyone ever."

"Eloquently put."

"Hey," he takes her hand in his, "I love you. And being anywhere but by your side is the most horrifying thought I could've ever devised."

She squeezes his hand.

"I love you, too, Karkat. And if my alternate versions can't see that, then they might as well not be able to see at all."


	2. Of Little Lights Shining in the Dark

"What do you think they're doing now?" Karkat asks Sollux as he rubs slow circles into the fine China.

"You have got to stop, KK. She is not going to fall in love with Equius in one weekend, especially when she knows she'll have to come back and face you every day after."

"She could always fire me."

"She wouldn't do that."

"Equius's ranch is pretty nice. It's a lot better than this place. She's probably enjoying herself more over there than she ever will here."

"Am I going to have to listen to this for the rest of the weekend?"

"I'm sorry, Sollux. I have a very limited freedom of speech and excuse me if I want to exercise that small right."

"Oi, you are so dramatic. Don't you trust TZ?"

"Of course I trust her. I just… I guess I just love her too much _not_ to stress over this."

"But have you seen Equius? Terezi would never fall for a stiff like that."

"I just don't understand why she likes me in the first place. So I'm not sure what kind of guys she's _actually_ into."

"What. No, like seriously what the hell."

He tucks his chin in and dries a dinner plate, his eyes staying on its reflective surface and not daring to meet the eyes of the cook.

Said cook releases a strained sigh through his teeth before handing the servant another plate to dry.

"Okay, sorry. Forgot you were so sensitive."

"The only thing that's going to be sensitive is your nose when I punch your face in."

"And touchy. Aren't you the complete package? Terezi's a lucky girl."

"Or a girl who's about to get lucky."

Sollux slapped him on the arm.

"Stop that."

"I can't. If I don't get these done, I'm pretty sure Mrs. Pyrope will flip."

"You little bitch, I'm the one who's going to flip if you don't let me help you."

"I don't need your help."

"Oh? Who are you going to rant to about this then, huh? Why don't you go tell Mr. Pyrope that you're worried about the state of your relationship with his daughter? Yeah, I'm sure that'll go over real well. He'll totally understand."

"…Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. I'm just…not good at this consoling thing. Maybe you should tell Kanaya, she'd be able to help."

"Yeah, right after she saws me in half for not telling her earlier. Kanaya can't know about Terezi."

"Why not?"

"I don't think she'd approve."

"Man. It's Kanaya."

"I know…" he sets his last plate in the mahogany cabinet.

"Well, look at that, I'm done, bye."

Before he could run off, Sollux grabbed the back of his collar.

"And where are you going off to in such a hurry?"

"Nowhere, it's not important."

Sollux gives an exasperated sigh and let's go of the poor kid's uniform.

"Fine, fine, do what you want. But just remember what I said. Terezi's not going to break up with you over one weekend."

"Sure." And he gives a little smile that would look miserable on anyone else, but on Karkat, it gives Sollux a semblance of hope.

* * *

"Pick up, pick up."

Terezi's near-silent pleas are only met by a disconcerting dial tone.

"Come on, Karkat, I need you to pick up." The right side of her face is warm and damp with sweat that makes the dark auburn of her locks stick to her pale skin. Her eyes are also warm and damp, pooling to the brim and making the lights of the city appear like the smeared strokes of a child's frosted window paintings.

The dial tone is cut off.

"Terezi?" His voice brings a swell of emotions left unvisited for the better half of a year. She remembers instantly how they met, he had been accused of stealing and the student council had to assign him a lawyer, she remembers falling in love with him as they worked together on the case, two fifteen-year-old problem sleuthing boyfriend and girlfriends, and she remembers spending as much time as she could with him from that point on to her sophomore year in college when he became clingy and overly jealous of a certain blonde rapper.

Speaking of certain blonde rappers.

"I don't think he's breathing," she babbles, "He could be dead I need help and I didn't know who else to call and I know you went into the medical field and I —"

"Deep breathes, Terezi, who's not breathing?"

"Dave, it's Dave, we were climbing down the fire escape and he fell and it was pretty high up and I'm not sure if he's going to live or die and I know you probably hate me and him but I really need your help and I'm willing to pay whatever price you —"

"That's not necessary. Just breath and tell me where you are."

"My apartment, the same one I've always lived in. In the alley."

"Okay, I'm going to call my friend, he's a paramedic, and then I'll head over there. Okay? By—"

"Wait, no, please call your friend and then call me back I don't want to be alone while —"

"Okay, one second —" Terezi heard muffled frantic voices before he got back to her, "Alright, my roommate is going to call my friend the paramedic. He happens to be both of our friends. Now just stay on the phone with me and if you could give me an estimate of what height you think he fell from."

"Um," she bites her lip, looking up at the fire escape, "It was at least two stories up."

"Is anything bent the wrong way, does it look like too much blood?"

"No, there's not a lot of blood, but, Karkat, it's so red, and not in a good way, it's that kind of sour red and I think I'm going to puke."

"Hey, hey, remember that one oriental coffee shop on campus?"

"Wasabi Java? Yeah, I still go there."

"Can you remember what their jade expressos tasted like? How they smelled?"

"Yeah." There's a slight relaxed tone in her voice.

"And you and Kanaya would order them and everyone else thought you two were crazy because who mixes jade and expressos anyway?"

"We thought that whole coffee shop was a whack job at first. But I think even you liked their teriyaki chicken wraps, and those green tea frappacinos."

"I'm willing to admit that not everything there was completely senseless."

"And then there was that girl, Aradia, who worked there and she would give Sollux discounts when he ordered two of everything."

"I don't even know how he hasn't run out of money yet with that kind of ordering strategy."

"I don't know, I found it kind of funny, like how Feferi only ordered things having to do with the ocean."

"Oh, speaking of Feferi, you know I met her cousin the other day."

"Meenah?"

"Yeah. She does the fish thing too. It must run in the family."

"I can't imagine what a family reunion would be like."

"Fish sandwiches and crab cakes galore."

"Wow our friends are weird."

"Look who's talking."

"Right back at ya. You're terrified when someone gets a little prick on the finger, and yet you're going into the medical field that handles needles the most."

"…Can I just say I appreciate how you didn't say nurse, that is a really nice thing that just happened. And, yes, hemophobia makes my job a bit harder, but I do it so well, man you should see the doctors, they take a couple steps back and their jaws hang on the floor they are so impressed with my sweet skills."

"You can't be that good."

"I can."

"Oh, shit."

"What?"

"…Terezi?"

* * *

"…Karkat?"

Kanaya moves her hand to wake the tealblood, but he holds his hand up resignedly,

"I'm awake."

"Couldn't sleep?" she sits down next to him and smooths the folds of her royal nightgown.

"You don't mind that I spent the day, do you?"

"Of course not." She rests her hand on his and smiles reassuringly, "You know you're always a welcome guest."

"Did anyone else?"

"Everyone else has gone back to their own hives. Why have you stayed?"

"I…I needed to talk to you, but you were busy with Gamzee and I didn't want to intrude."

"So you stayed outside my room the entire day?"

He gives a slight nod, bringing his knees up to his chin.

"Well, it must be important. What did you need to talk to me about?"

"I…Terezi and I had another fight last night."

"What was it about this time?"

"I don't know, I think she was mad about something, but I can't remember what I did to upset her. And then I may have suggested asking Nepeta to my matesprit —"

"Karkat! Why do you always —"

"I don't know, it was dumb, I guess I was kind of upset too, and it just came out. She probably hates me in the most platonic shade now."

"She doesn't hate you, Karkat, she probably was just feeling bad because of her lungs. So close to sea, it probably upset her breathing."

"She's not going to talk to me again."

"No, she won't. At least not until you apologize."

"But how do I do that? I mess up everything with Terezi, I'm just going to make things worse and she's going to hate me even more."

"Just tell her how you feel."

A look of undisguised horror flashes across his face.

"Oh, come on, would it really be the end of the world if you were just honest with her?"

"You don't understand, you and Gamzee have the perfect matespritship, it's too difficult, it's going to ruin being able to hang out with her, she's going to hate me."

"Well, the way you see it, she's going to hate you no matter what, so you might as well take the road that has a chance of leading to happiness."

"Is there any road that has been confirmed to lead to happiness?"

"You can never know these things for certain, Karkat, you simply have to trust that what you've built with Terezi is strong enough to handle a little honesty."

He sighs.

"So say I do go with this road you preach of, how am I even going to do it?"

"Well, first, you have to look presentable."

He groans as she takes his hand and leads him to her sewing room.

* * *

"I'm proud of you," says the teal-eyed cook with a smile.

"I don't deserve it."

She frowns.

Karkat's only been here for a few weeks, and he still hasn't show any signs of improvement, which some people have blamed on the one year age difference between him and his advisor.

Except today he almost made slight marginal progress, and Terezi, his assigned counselor, decided he deserved a little pick me up.

But Karkat was difficult and self-loathing, no matter if she was scolding or rewarding him. Everything was just so hard with him.

"Okay, if that's the way you feel…" she slides the plate to her side of the table.

"Hey!"

"You said you didn't deserve it."

"Oh, come on," he reaches for the plate, but she holds it over her head, "Terezi, please!"

"I'll give it back to your once you admit that you deserve it."

"Terezi." He practically growls.

"Those are the rules."

"I thought I was shipped off to this misery camp to learn how to stop lying."

"Yes. You're going to stop lying to me, and to yourself. You deserve this food. I know it, your father knows it, Jade knows it, and deep down, you know it too."

"I don't deserve it!" he shouts, "And don't you dare bring Jade or my dad into this!"

"Karkat, their deaths were not your fault —"

"They were! All of them, my dad's suicide, my girlfriend's suicide, people are willing to die to get away from me, I don't deserve anyone's kindness."

"But you still want the food?"

He slouches in his chair resignedly, "Yeah, but like everything else, I'm not going to get it."

"All you have to do is tell me that you deserve it."

"I came here to get better, Terezi. I don't want to kill more people —"

" — You didn't kill them —"

" — You're not helping me, you're just —"

"Tell me you deserve this food."

"I don't."

"You do."

"I don't."

"You do."

"Fine. I do. Now give it back."

"Not very convincing, give me a reason why you deserve it."

"Trick question, there is none."

"There is one, Karkat, I know you can find it."

"I deserve it because..." the rest is an unintelligible murmur.

"I can't hear you."

He shudders, "I deserve it because everyone I've ever loved has turned around and hurt me in one way or another and I'm willing to admit that .99% of the time it's not my fault that they do these things and I haven't had a proper meal in who knows how long."

"It's never your fault that these things happen, Karkat."

"Yeah, but I seem to be the only constant in every relationship that's ever failed."

"It is not your fault, okay? It's just terrible accident after terrible accident, and you have a very unfortunate series of events to call a childhood."

"I said I deserved it, didn't I? Can I just have my food?"

"I do suppose that is the deal I made." She sets the plate down in front of him and ruffles his hair.

"Try not to be so hard on yourself." She whispers as she leaves.

* * *

"Terezi drove back to her apartment to get those Twizzlers you like so much," Karkat explains as he closes the curtain around Dave's hospital bed, "She wants you to have something to look forward to when you wake back up. She's sweet like that, you know, and she'll deliver them with a bang, with that style only she can harness. You'll be better in no time, I bet."

He sits down in the visitor chair and buries his head in his hands.

"Just getting to see her again is so great, I can't imagine how you must feel every day, knowing that Terezi Pyrope loves you. I have to thank you, Dave, for letting me have this chance to be around her again. It's been a year. A whole year since she ended it with me, and every day since I've missed her with everything my inadequate self is made of. You know I almost screamed when she called me, I didn't, but, man, you should've seen my roommate freak out at all the expressions I made. So, yeah, thank you for that. You're treating her well, right? I know she likes you, a lot, really, and I can only hope you don't do anything dumb to mess up what you two have, like I did. Don't make my mistakes, Dave. Make Terezi happy, please. Be the man I'll never be, the man of her dreams. Before I have to say goodbye again, and have that smile of hers see me out with a guarantee of never to see its radiance again, promise me that you'll make sure she's happy. She doesn't want me in her life anymore, so I'll never know if she stays that way, but, please, oh, God, please, make sure she's happy."

Karkat's trying to keep the tears back, but they rush down his cheeks as if in a hurry to meet their fate on the hospital's sterile tile.

"Tell her you love her every day, always make sure feels safe and protected, listen to her when she has something to say, surprise her every now and then, give her someone she wants to come home to, never question her love of the color red, in fact, indulge it, she likes two whole packages of splenda in her coffee, not two scoops of the powdered can stuff, never refuse going to one of her trials, go to all of them if you can, and don't, and I mean absolutely fucking don't, ignore the signs until they all come crashing down on you in overwhelming waves and sweep away all you love in the surf. But most of all just make sure she's happy. I'm fucking counting on you, Strider, do not let me down. I—"

There's a loud clatter as Terezi falls through the pale green curtain.

Karkat can only stare as she brushes herself off, a bright blush spreading over her cheeks.

* * *

Terezi sits at her hive-office, red-rimmed and gray-bagged eyes running through convoluted page after page of ancient text. If there's a loophole anywhere in Alternian law, then who better to sniff it out than the decedent of the great Redglare herself? And she'll find it. She knows it's there. Something than can help them.

She nearly screams when she sees Karkat standing at the door to her private office.

"What are you doing up at this hour? Shoo, shoo," she waves him off, "go back to sleep. I have work to do."

His frown deepens.

"So nothing, I take it?"

She stares at him a moment before slowly shaking her head.

He sighs and flops down onto one of the teal couches.

"I'm sorry, Terezi. I'm so sorry that I'm doing this to you."

She grabs some blankets from the closet and sits on the couch next to him, bundling the teal and red fabric in her lap.

"Your execution's on Tuesday. That gives us a full 96 hours to find some way to get you out of it, we can do this. There's still hope."

She holds his hand and pats the avalanche of blankets commandingly. He sets his head down in her lap and sprawls himself out along the rest of the couch.

"But there _is_ no way out of it. I'm going to die, Terezi, they're going to kill me. But I don't want to leave you alone like this. I don't want to leave you at all!"

"Karkat—"

"Promise me you'll be alright."

"But—"

"I'm not asking. I'm telling you. Promise me."

"Karkat, don't waste your tears on me," she wipes the salty salmon tint from his red eyes, completely ignoring what he's asking of her, "you have so many other reasons to mourn—"

" **Promise me** _ **.**_ "

It would've been a more convincing growl if it hadn't broken off into choked sobs.

"I'm going to be a mess when you're gone. _If_ you're gone, _if._ " She corrects herself fiercely, "But I'll be alright, eventually. I promise."

He turns on his side and buries his face in her stomach, wrapping his bony arms around her skeletal frame, sobbing with all the emotions he'd never let bleed through the duration of his life.

"Shh," she runs a hand through his hair in an effort at consolation, "It'll be alright."

"Mhaht ef her er mhmnerte ognhvegrsis." He chokes out, his breath tickling her stomach slightly.

"What?"

"What if there are alternate universes?" he asks once he's calmed down some and removed his face from her stomach.

"You really need to get some sleep." She smiles tiredly.

He holds her a bit tighter.

"Please. Don't…make me go back in there. Just…just let me stay here, for a bit."

She hums her answer and runs another hand through his hair.

She knows there are no loopholes. Only miracles and alternate universes.


End file.
